good weekend, bad week

so good weekend, bad week. it is so very stressful. a fractured tailbone, and then today i had a math test, sometime this week i have a soc. test, and work, thursday is kaitys booster thing, and friday is the homecomeing game, have brittany sleepover again, and sat. is robably visitation and kaity has a vocal festival, then sunday were gonna try and go to glenn oak, oak glenn whatever its called.
and today my dad had to go to court, just to listen to my mom complain about me, so i get a call from my dad saying our attorney wants to talk to me. so i agree, and she asks me a ton of questiosn, and at the end says, i sound confident and can win this case for us, can i come in tomorrow?!
what?! oh my so i say yes, if its good for kaity and jaquie i'll do it. so tomorrow morning i have to go to court, and face my mother, fun right?
all this on a fractured tail bone. then i have to go see a docter, and make it back in time to take kaity and jaquie to some dr. lady and make dinner for when they get home,
and today i had to get my permt too!
i only missed one though haha
and thats not even getting into next week! yikes!! =0

so anyways yeah. im done venting
if my mom could just go e stupid somewhere else
i was watching this show called shain ang or something. for women who messed up there lives and have to go to jail, i was thinking my mom would look good in those outfits
haha how sad
so yeah ok
goodnight, think positive!

crazy weekend

so it was amazing, just like i thought. jasmines party was halarious and fun! pool, truth and stuff, jokes, reading minds, making fun of ... yeah. although i fractured my tailbone, oops. oh wel hurts like hell. me and jaquie stayed up all night and still went to the harvest festival.
got a call from my mom on sat. sayin she wants me out of her life and doesnt want to talk to me, and that shes changeing her number, which was a lie because she called today trying to apoligize. whatever!
but yeah
then harvest festival, so much fun, i was so very tired, but t was still fun!
48 hours of no sleep, i loved it! haha
then this week is hectic too!
my weekends are booked for awhile!
i love it!
im so excited!!!!!

this weekend

is going to be amazing!
even though kaitys feeling really sick, shes still going to jasmines partay! were going to have a great tiem haha. stay up all night! no really, im not planning on sleeing at all. then harvest festival with my homies after a weeks worth of shopping. still no sleep! and there wont be any lines, cuz its ayalas homecoming! yay!! good timeing huh? haha then britanys spending the night, so no sleep there either! haha face paintings too! so much fun.
oh an i found the card to my camera, so i can take a crap load of pictures!!!
i just hope kaity starts feeling better so shes not all gross at the party, or this weekend.

peace please

so i come home from an oh so lovely day of school, to see what work kaity has done. and when i see her poster blank i begin to worry. so i ask and see that she has done a lot of work, just not the poster, which takes only a few minutes. but my dad looks and jumps right to the fact that she did nothing, not knowing that she had other work to do. this problem could have normally been handled by talking. even talking in an angerly fashion, but just talking, which i would have done, but i guess we all had a bad, boring, hard day, and they took it out on each other.
they yelled. yes, our first fight since my mom moved out. about 5 months now. it wasn't a bad fight, but it was starting to get ugly, until we all ignored it. thank god. so kaitys doing her work, and my dad is down stairs watching tv. so its all good. but it could have gotten worse.
i just hate fighting, with anyone, im the type of person who tries to keep a smile on my face always. i try to stay positive about the worst of situations, and it probably gets annoying, that maybe i don't look at reality, buti do. i just try to stay calm. i just don't know anymore.

but on the bright side.... i am going to have an amazing non stop weekend! first off, im going to jasmines straight after there rehearsal tomorrow for a sleepover. so were gonna plan pranks and then go swim and stuff. so were staying u the whole night. no joke. then leaving at 12 in the afternoon. so then we come home at oneish, and shower and crap, thank god visitation is cancelled. so then pick up brittany and of to the harvest festival to meet our friendsss. so no sleep for 2 days!!!! i love it!
i love haveing such a busy schedule! it used to be my life. and now i have like nothing to do....

what do you do....

what do you do when your sister is so sad, and you know she is so painful inside, but she won't let it out to you. you know she wants to pore her heart and soul out crying, but won't. and you really don't know why.
kaity used to tell me everything, she used to trust in me so much, she knew i almost always had god judgement, and i would only ever help her.
i feel that we are almost growing distant now, i have become more of a mother then a sister nad friend. i don't mind that, but i really want to be her friend again, regardless of what school we go to.
it used to always be the both of us, we were always together, and now we are always apart, its her and jaquie. it makes me so sad, i have almost been thrown out of her life to take my moms position. i just want her to confide in me, but i don't think she really trusts me much anymore, she doesn't want to say the wrong thing or something that i wont agree with. i just hope shell be ok. i hope she tells me whats wrong, or finds a way to deal with it on her own. i never want anything to go bad with her.
we are al under a lot of stress right now, and i know its not getting easier, but it will soon!

i saw my friends today that i havn't seen in a very long time. it fealt so goodto see them! and i am going to see them again on saturday! its so very exciting!!aw man they always make everythingbetter, and we always have a great time together! and better yet, i finished my very long college report! so much stress has been taken off my shoulders!
so now i have to make lunch for my family, joy!

eh... blah

so today,
it was a wierd day for me.
don't really know how to describe it.
lazy, yet productive. i didn't feel rushed like usual, yet didn do much.
found myself watching tv, wich i normally dont do, and i didn't do the dishes or homework.
i was just kind of lazy. had a horrbile hair day, but i managed.
finally did my homework and went to class.
got wonderful texts from my friends, but then got in trouble for texting in class, oops.
i kinda feel wierd about that, like i dont know, it was wierd. but i know all of that math stuf, and they rest of them just dont get it! ugh! whatever

so then i get a text from stefanie saying shes comeing over. it was great! so we watched our future husband, mitchell davis. hes adorable, and so very random! i love him! haha

yup. and now im looking for a movie that has to do with deviance, so i can wrie a report on it. its due on sunday, but i wanna finish it on thursday, or by about 4 on friday. because i have such a very busy weekend. requiring no sleep. lord help me!

also.. i feel horrible. like i want to make people smile always. it my goal to make at leastone person smile a day. but what happens if i make someone sad? does it cancel out the smiles? in my mind it does, and i think i made someone a bit sad today, i mean he always makes me sad, but its not rigth to do that in return. i dont care how im treated, i want to treat others with respect and love and happieness. it feels good. and maybe theyll learn....

so now im tired. this helped very much! i love blogspot! hahaha

so i wanna cry

so im laying here in bed, just thinking, which i havn't done in awhile. thinking about everything. here i am, a clueless 18 year old, suddenly burdened with 2 other young souls to care for, and my parents roblems to deal with. what am i sposed to do?

and i find myself, wanting so very much to cry, because i am sad. i havnt done this in so long. and when i did, my friends were there for me. everytime my parents fought, someone was there for me. matt, usualy, was the one that called me last summer, after the huge fight they got into, i cried on the phone with him until 2 in the morning, and he was able to make me smile. in fact, he has been making me smile ever since, until now. i go to him, and he doesnt care. he wants to talk to kaity, she makes him hapy, and all he does is tell me how sad he is, for attention. he could care less about me, or what we ever had.

and honestly, i miss how it used to be. yeah my mom was so crazy, almost killed us so many times in the car, always pissed me off, and cared for no one but herself. but right now, it was so much easier to deal with then all this. i feel almost as if i have no feelings of my own. if i talk to her, i betray my family. if i dont, she feels sad that her first daughter left her.
she did treat me horribly, i know shes been amazing at some points in my life, but she left our family with a horrible feeling for another man, she made my choir experiance not so great, because she always called me yelling at me, or she was too tired to pick us up, or come watch our concerts. and i know she has reated me poorly for so long. but i want to forgive her for that. god is telling me its time. but she keeps making it so difficult. like if i talk to her again shell think i adore her so much. and never want to leave. like ive given in. and jsut all of this has been put on my plate to handle. the biggest lie she ever told before she left, cami, you don't have to deal with this because your 18.
yeah right!

i really dont know what to do or who to talk to
and i hate burdening people with my problems. thats why this is so great. no one needs to read it, and if someone actualy has read all the way through... wow! i guess you really care, or your really bored.
so i guess now im back to my life. being bored at home, by myself, pretending like nothing matters to me. like everything is ok. because i don't want to spend my life sad, like some peole, i want to focus on the fun times. but right now, i just i feel empty, and i feel bad for what i have done to her. i know what it would be like for your daughter to not speak to you for 4 months. its a hrrible feeling. but she stopped being a mother figure to me a long time ago, she needs to know shes not a kid anymore, maybe she let those years of her life go to waste, but she doesnt get them back again.
this really sucks....

so....

alright so ive decided to get this blogspot thing. im not really sure about it, but i find when im upset its best to write about it. others can read it and i dont mind, but if they dont want to, they dont hve to. so its liek your listening to my problems, but not realy.maybe its what i need in life right now. everyone else seems to be getting one. so im gonna try it....

anyways.... do boys honestly know what they do to girls?
realy... they have a great strong relationship with you, then you break up, and forget about it, leaving you in tears, then call you the next day liek nothing ever happend. really wtf?! do they care how you feel? do they care your upset? do they care about anything?! yeah maybe not. so my idea, guys are stupid, there are a few out there that know what to do and how to at, and how to make you feel good, but is it the truth? or is it all an act? i dont know
so yeah thats my blog for tonight... hmm i feel better already.