life right now....

I miss life how it used to be. when things were normal. I miss being busy, having to do eveything at once, but with help. i miss having people to talk to, happy or sad. i miss being in my sisters lives, knowing what was going on with them. but now...
now i'm alone. i sit here, while they have fun. cleaning the house by myself, figuring out dinner, trying to cook it on time. wishing they were here to have fun with. only for them to come home happy and having fun, then complain that dinner isn't ready yet, and they're starving. for my dad to say i don't appreiate anything, its never clean in here. i don't do a thing. for dinner to not be good enough. for me to not be good enough. I'm stupid because i can't take them home from school, or give them a ride. i'm dumb because i don't have a job.
but i'm always happy. always. i'm smiling, even when my ideas are shot down. its ok. i deal with there high school problems, but still, i don't know anything. i still smile. i spend all my money on them, what they want. the food they want, both our parents gifts. but thats ok, its what i'm here for right? yeah
i don't get help cooking or cleaning. i'm by myself until its time for fun.
today we went shopping, which was fun. good time. but it still was about them. everything, was about them. until someone stepped in and said, give cami a chance...
i don't want to complain, i hate complaining.
i'm just tired of being that smile, when times are bad, and no one can see howi truly feel. but why should they. why should we all be sad. someone needs to smile, right?i just don't think i can do it alone much longer....
i need help.....