sorry.......

So i'm really really sad. don't know what to do. who to talk to. where to go. i'm just a big confused mess. I feel like I fuck up everyones lives. all the time. I lose all my friends. all this time, Ithought I was the smart one, the one that had it all together. that was a lie. i'm not. maybe everyone around me is realizing they can do so much better. who really needs me? thats what they all are thinking. so slowly, one by one, they're drifting away. I feel terrible.
Just found out I broke someone heart too. majorly. kinda can't fix it. I didn't know I honestly had the power to do that. still don't know how i did it. but it happend. I will never stop feeling guilty. ever.
my mom. she's a whole other story. see, i've been debating, do i go over there? idk?? so I decide no. not worth it. then, friends made me feel guilty cuz it's her birthday. so I decide, maybe. then, a friends grandpa dies. her mom hasn't talked to him in a few months. so that made her feel terrible. I saw that you never know what happens. ever. so I should go. then, I had another really bad dream about her. she killed me. why did she kill me? because I saw that she was going to hurt kaity and jaquie really bad so I was going to stop it. everyone else around me fell for her tricks. she poisined them all. I didn't. I worked around her. so she killed me. slowly and painfully. I watched my own death. it was painful. scariest thing ever. so now i'm jsut confused. where are the people I usually talk to about this? gone. mad at me. hate me. in another state. i'm alone. and scared. and I want things to be normal again. I want me to be normal again.

i'm sorry......
to whoever I hurt. i'm sorry. theres no excuse for what i did. i'm a bad person. I hate myself for it. and I love you.