yes, another one

I just don't understand how like one moment, i feel like i'm cloud nine, and the next, i really just want to cry. it's a horrible feeling. i would have rather woken up sad, and stayed that way, or gotten better. but no, i was feeling great, then the day became even better. then just one little look from kaity, and a lecture from jaquie, and i'm upset. i hate that they have the power to turn my mood so fast like that. no one else has the power to just make my smile go away. i guess it's just because they mean so much to me.
I mean really, this whole weekend i have made great for them, well, at least I tried. actually, thats all I ever do. try and make people happy. does it matter how i feel? no. i want everyone else to be happy, and it seems like no one else cares sometimes. I never get help around here, and when i ask for it, they just screw around, i have to do it myself, or redo it cuz they half assed it. sometimes i wonder what there life would be like if i wern't here.
i hate that i complain so much about it, and if anyone actually reads this, i hope you know that my life isn't just complaining and shit. its just i don't usually blog when i'm happy. i blog when i'm sad cuz its my therapy. i just feel like crying so much latly, but i can't, because that is weakness. i can't show anyone that i am unhappy. no one. i'm a happy person, always positive. so i guess i was wrong for wanting to have fun today. i was wrong for asking jaquie if she wanted to spend time with me. i was wrong to even care. i should have let her be, let her have her way. she never would have hurt me like that.....
so for that, i am sorry